Witcher: Monster Slayer is Pokemon Go's Morally Gray Cousin

Did you ever look at Pokemon Go and think “this needs less cuddly, fluffy things and more vicious, bloodthirsty things”? Or “I wish this charizard was actually a reanimated rotting carcass trying to claw my eyes out”? If so, you’re in luck – CD Projekt have just announced Witcher: Monster Slayer, an augmented reality phone game in which you go around and club nasty nasty things repeatedly and collect their body parts for bragging rights.

The events of the game are set long before Geralt’s time – even though they’re set in our time, since it’s an AR game and all – and it’s going to have story-driven quests as well as endless monster slaying. Hunting the monsters includes tracking and studying them, preparing potions, oils, bombs and bait based on what you’ve learned, but also using the time of day and weather conditions to get an advantage.

Once you’ve finally reached the fighting part, you’re going to enjoy a first person bout in which you use everything you’ve prepared to gain advantage over the 12 foot tall monstrosity lurking behind the neighbourhood supermarket. One of the pictures on the website shows off the bestiary, which has 78 entries. That’s a lot of beasts, 16 of which are legendary. Knowing how these things turn out, those will probably spawn in the sewers or a meth lab. Or a secret government facility in the middle of the desert.

And that’s pretty much what Witcher GO is all about. Find monsters, throw witcherballs at them, watch numbers go up and feel happy about it. There’s no word of a release date yet, but it’s going to be released on both kinds of telephones. Here’s an obnoxious trailer you can watch if you want to feel some good, old second-hand embarrassment.